From the desk of Roland Rocchiccioli

ANYONE 75 or older, is, according to the federal Health Department, the Cancer Council of Australia, and the bowel screening facility, too old to poo-on-the paper to test for bowel cancer. You should bugger-off, stop wasting their time, contract bowel cancer, and die! You are a relic!

If that is not glaring ageism then I am Lassie’s father! It is so disgraceful, so dismissive, it should be rescinded — immediately, with an abject apology. This is a philosophical stoush which I commend, fervently, to all those Australians affected by this preposterous, ageist discrimination. It is wrong, regrettable, and arguably illegal.

The 2024 Population Statement identifies more than 2.1 million Australians as aged 75-plus — a number projected to surpass 3.2-million by 2034. Exponentially, life expectancy is tipped to increase by 3.7 years for males and females combined — but seemingly not if any government and cancer screening bodies have their way. We will have fallen-off the twig! Dead from bowel cancer.

The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare reports the highest incidence of bowel cancer occurs, and the highest risks rates are observed, in those aged 80-plus. Alarmingly, following diagnosis, the estimated 30-day death rate is 13-15%; and 25% after 90 days. Citing age for causative rejection is, debatably, a form of elder abuse. A cursory check of relevant online websites reveals an endless screed of exclusion justification — including cost. The over-75 accessibility procedure is time-consuming and deliberately designed to hinder participation. The questionable explanation is a crock of platitudinous gobbledegook — spelt B*******T — and appropriately patronising to placate a rabblerouser!

My mother, Beria, contracted bowel. On hearing the diagnosis she said, dismissively: “I am 94 — why would it take so long to come?” Come it did and claimed her life. I became her carer. Fortunately, Beria had private health insurance. The Cabrini angels descended on the house. They took-over her life and together we guided her to the end — at home. She was lucky: she had a GP who came to the house, constantly; a battalion of dedicated nurses; and an oncologist two-doors down who visited regularly.

While I am not sprinting for a “how-do-you-do” to Saint Peter, I am not afraid of dying, but I am scared of not living. Like many, I have a fulfilling life. I am creating works for which, 30-years ago, I had neither the wit, nor the wisdom. I still have a creative contribution to make. I am not intellectually concussed, and I object to being systematically rejected. I alone will decide my used-by-date — based on age versus frailty. I am descended from a line of long-living, Italian, peasant capraio ­— goatherds — in the Tuscan Alpi Apuane. My Aunt Edith died 2024 — aged 104. Beria was 96 — from bowel cancer! I do not want to contract bowel cancer.

In defence of the exclusion, I suspect fewer rather than more would take advantage; however, a percentage of Australians aged 75-plus still pay taxes. They, and those who do not, have an entitlement to access the bowel screening programme — if they so choose! Age should not be an impediment! The exclusion is deeply offensive.

Those responsible for the decision to exclude should take their hubristic ageism and shove it where they will!

Roland can be heard with Brett Macdonald radio 3BA — Monday 10.40am. Contact: [email protected]