From the desk of Roland Rocchiccioli – 11 September

It is not difficult to behave badly. It requires no effort, at all. The challenge lies in not behaving badly.

I RECALL someone who was ‘in a position to know’, recounting a conversation with a nervous guest invited to Buckingham Palace. They were concerned how they should behave. He was told, reassuringly, “Just be yourself. Her Majesty asks only that you be civil.”

Clearly, civil is the operative word in that advice. Sadly, it has all but passed-out of our lives.

Still, I hear my late mother, Beria, “You need to learn to keep a civil tongue in your head, young man!”

Years later, as an adult, she came to live with me and was a sometimes difficult personality. We clashed, as I never imagined we would. I recall being stopped in my tracks, when she said, “You’ve said a couple of things to me which I wouldn’t dream of saying to you.” I was deeply embarrassed, and ashamed. We all need to learn to control our tongues and moderate our language. It is difficult. It requires concerted effort. A biting of one’s tongue!

Apart from the several incidents with my mother, never have I needed to return to the scene of an encounter to apologise for my language, or behaviour. Perhaps years of broadcasting – and I have never been censured for an on-air blunder – have imbued me with innate restraint; to be mindful of other people’s sensibilities. To temper the truth with kindness. To keep the mind racing ahead of the mouth.

That does not imply I have never committed a faux pas. Quite the contrary. I recall a very grand dinner in London and telling what I considered a most amusing joke. Fortuitously, I was seated with the actress, Googie Withers, who saved the moment. Later, she said, “Darling, Roland, I think that was one of the funniest jokes I’ve ever heard; however, you need to pick your mark. That was a table of stuffed-shirts, and they were not amused!”  A lesson learned.

Writing a column/opinion piece is fraught with risk – particularly if written in a fit pique, or a state of blazing, high dudgeon. Penning one’s opinions is tantamount to working a trapeze sans a safety net. It is a linguistic Scylla and Charybdis minefield; a test of prosecutorial skill without intentionally insulting your opponent. It does not require acquiescence to their viewpoint, nor should you refrain from stridency in opinion. Simply, it demands a quota of respect, a verbal dexterity, civility, and a clarity of thought.

Recently, I read a piece which was, in probability, written in the full flood of uncontrolled rage. It was directed, unambiguously, at a group of six people with whom I am associated. We are opposed, vehemently, to an official, carried decision, and which has, we believe, serious, long-term ramifications. Respectful opposition is my democratic right!

While the enraged writer does little to trigger my intellectual curiosity, slanging matches are of scant interest; however, I was disquieted by its accusatory, churlish tone. Some might disagree, but I found it deliberately spiteful and insulting. It lacked civility, and demonstrated a decided want of good-form and manners. It did naught to advance the narrative, and served only to exacerbate the dilemma. Crucially, it demeaned the office from whence it came.

Regardless, even if one is incandescent with rage – spitting chips – one should reflect before launching into a sour, scornful, and ill-tempered squabble.

Totally inappropriate.

Civility costs nothing and buys everything.

Roland can be heard with Brett Macdonald Mondays at 10.45am on 3BA and contacted via [email protected].