Meet the group caring for divided families

TANYA Lake said she needed to run another Facebook group like she needed “a hole in the head.”

Already serving as admin of both the Ballarat 40+ Social Club and a global parent-child estrangement group, Ms Lake said she felt she had enough on her plate.

But seeing a need in the community, she’s now added another group to her list of responsibilities with the Ballarat Region Parent-Child Estrangement Support & Meetup Group, which she said arose out of unforeseen circumstances.

“I was sitting in at another parent-estrangement group and the person who was running it just didn’t turn up, and I couldn’t leave these parents without anyone at the helm,” she said.

“I didn’t want to drop it like a hot potato, because there’s a real need within our community to raise awareness and educate people on the mental health aspect for those who’ve been through this.

“We’ve gone off from that group to form our own one, and my plate is very big, so I thought it best to get help from others for this.”

The group seeks to support parents who have been separated from their children for various reasons.

It could be because of a falling out, or divorce or family court reasons, or other circumstances, but the ultimate goal is the same, peer support.

Ms Lake was assisted by Claire Cummings in steering that initial support meeting, and the two are now sharing the management of the new group.

With both women having experience with child estrangement and carer work, Ms Cummings said they’ve “clicked” with each other in their combined approach.

“We’ve got similar likes, dislikes, personalities and stories. We both knew what it felt like to be separated from your child,” she said.

“Our style of running things is very aligned. We’re very open, and if you want to chat you can chat, if you want to split off into groups, you can do that.

“It’s everyone’s group. We manage it as such with posts and organising, but that’s as far as it goes. We don’t sit there and go it’s your turn to talk or anything like that.”

The group held their first session in early April at the Robin Hood Hotel, and are planning both to change their location and to vary the meeting days to accommodate for as many people as possible.

Comprising over 10 members, Ms Lake said the group prioritises empathy, understanding and mediation in their discussions, and that the response from the members has been validating.

“Quite a few people have said to me how grateful they are to be able to tell their stories, and to have that support, which often people in these situations don’t have,” she said.

“We’re about providing that, and trying to facilitate a mutual level of understanding in terms of what’s going on with the child and the parent.

“We talk about taking ownership of your part in what might have caused your child to take a step back.

“I can’t change the mother that I was back then, I can only change from this moment forward. We’re all prepared to face that and to mediate however we can.”

The Ballarat Region Parent-Child Estrangement Support & Meetup Group can be found at bit.ly/3v4QkJ4.