Resilience mirrored through centuries

In the shadows of Point Lonsdale’s lighthouse, Judy Baird looks out to sea.

Across the waters that carried her great-great-grandparents Mary and Henry Tuttleby aboard the Sacramento, from Essex, England in 1852, to start a new life in Australia.
It’s this journey that opens Reflections on Resilience, Judy’s first book: an honest and raw insight into the lives of five women (including Judy) within one family.
Hardships, trauma and unimaginable loss experienced by each across the centuries, none more so than Judy – married four times, bereaved to son Brian, bereaved to daughter Cherie and at odds with her only living child, Scott.
This is the tale of the Tuttlebys.
Judy, 78, said four years ago when she began writing, she uncovered a common thread woven throughout the five women’s stories – resilience.
“It spans many decades from the mid-1800s to the present day. The resilience of my great-great-grandmother Mary, grandmother Sophia, mother Edith, myself and daughter Cherie.
“My great-great-grandparents had lost four children in England before they boarded the Sacramento. They lost their fifth child, 12-month-old Alice, to whooping cough a month into the journey.”
Mary’s husband Henry died two years after they arrived of typhus, their son Alfred had a son who he also named Alfred, and Alfred Jnr married Judy’s grandmother Sophia.
“My grandparents had three children including Clifford (my father) and when Alfred was 28, he was sent to World War I, where he was killed in action two months later.”
Sophia was left to raise three children on her own. Unbeknown to Judy, her life would take a similar path.
Judy met her first husband Robert after she left home and graduated as a kindergarten teacher.
“We had three children Scott in 1967 was my firstborn son. Then we had Brian in ‘69, he was stillborn. I never got to hold him, I never got to see him, they whisked him away.
“Robert said they’d taken him to be buried in a common grave at the Melbourne Cemetery. There wasn’t even a plaque, nothing; that haunted me for a very long time.”
After a phantom pregnancy, their third child Cherie was born in 1970 and was also whisked away at birth.
“I wanted to see her, but they told me I needed to rest and 24 hours later I found out that she was born with spina bifida.”
Cherie’s birth signaled the end of Judy’s first marriage, with Robert struggling to accept a child with a disability and after having an affair, left Judy with the two children.
“Cherie changed me; she changed the lives of so many people. Once I had Cherie in my arms it was a whole different thing. She had such a positive influence on people’s lives.
“She never complained, she had so many surgeries and spent so much of her 28 years in and out of hospital. I never regret or resent one thing I did for her. I spent the rest of my teaching career advocating for her and children with disabilities.”
Failing twice more at love, Judy met the love of her life Jurgen 12 years ago and with his support, has been able to tell her story, rich in its rawness and honesty.
This honesty includes a delightful chapter on dating dalliances in her sixties with, “Tom the tightwad, nudie Neville, Gerry the gardener, Trevor the toy boy and fantasy Fred” – French maid outfit and all.
“I hope publishing my first book at 78 inspires other people who have a story to tell. You want to think you’ve contributed something to humanity; that’s what my forebearers did in their lives.”
To purchase Reflections on Resilience, go to bookstore.bookpod.com.au or talesfromthetreehouse.com.au.