Give the gift that lasts a lifetime…peace of mind

FOR Anna Gray, Dying to Know Day on 8 August is an annual reminder of her brush with death on her family’s farm at the foot of the Grampians three years ago.

“It was the classic farming accident. I was in a hurry and I jumped out of the ute to run and open a gate. I got the gate open, but as I turned to go back to the ute it went straight over the top of me… then it was off again, rolling down to the bottom of the hill,” said Anna.

Luckily, Anna had her mobile in her pocket and was able to phone a neighbour, who called an ambulance.

Anna ended up being airlifted to the Alfred Trauma Centre in Melbourne, spending 11 days there, 11 more in a local hospital, followed by a further four months at home recovering with the assistance of a live-in carer.

Perhaps because Anna is a single parent and the primary provider for her three children, she had made some plans in the event of a medical emergency.

“I had spoken to my children about what to do if anything ever happened to me – they were to call my brother and one of my friends, who are my executors. I had also made my brother my medical decision maker,” she said.

“Because of this, a stressful situation was not made worse – my children knew that they were not expected to make decisions, that there were adults who would do that.”

Anna, who is the manager of the Grampians Region Palliative Care Consortium, also knew through her work that talking about death, regardless of age or health, is incredibly important and sets families up much better to deal with crises when they happen.

“Surveys show that 75 per cent of people don’t talk about death with their families, but death is the only 100 per cent certain risk in life… it’s completely natural, and if we talk about it and are able to support those who we love to have their wishes respected when death happens, the process of grieving, of celebrating life and eventually of moving forward can be much less traumatic,” she said.

“It is important for everyone to talk about death – when you get your license at 18 you are asked about organ donation, this is a perfect time to think about whether you would like to be buried or cremated or another option, whether you would like a religious or other memorial.

“When you buy a house, marry, have your first child, divorce, retire, survive a loved one, you redo your will, but do you actually have the important conversations that will make the time before and immediately after death, much less harrowing for your loved ones?”

Anna said that it is important to discuss with your family what your wishes are, what is in place to support loved ones moving forward and who will be responsible for any decision making required in the event of a medical emergency or death.

Uncertainty and not knowing are the surest way to create angst for families.

“Give the greatest gift of all – let your loved ones know exactly what your wishes are, record it in your own handwriting to avoid arguments, sign it, tell them where it is – take the guesswork out,” said Anna.

If you would like resources and information about how you can start these conversations, scan the QR code. Brought to you by the Western Victoria Primary Health Network and the GRPCC.