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<\/p>\nI\u2019m finding that I increasingly talk in clich\u00e9s and with minimal thought and effort to communicating what I actually think and feel. It may be related to the fact I increasingly communicate using technology rather than face to face. It\u2019s just as likely to do with the fact that I have children and I\u2019m tired and simply can\u2019t be bothered.<\/p>\n
To be clear, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s just me. I suspect you\u2019ll notice some of the same signs in yourself. The first thing I\u2019ve noticed is that after returning from being on holidays, when people ask me how my holidays were, I\u2019ve become one of those people who says, \u201cnot long enough\u201d.<\/p>\n
Now, I get it. We all like to be on holidays. We\u2019d all like to be on holidays for another week or seven. But it still wouldn\u2019t be enough. We\u2019re never happy. I\u2019m confident that I could be on holidays for the next three years, come back and have someone ask me how my holidays were, and still respond, \u201cI could do with another week or two.\u201d<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be honest, half the reason we don\u2019t think we\u2019ve had enough holiday is because of how we use our holiday time. We don\u2019t simply find a nice beach somewhere and relax. Instead we are busier while we\u2019re on holidays than when we\u2019re working. We make lists of jobs, far too many jobs to actually complete in the time that we are on holiday. We set ourselves up to feel like we failed in our holidays on the first day as we scrawl down this unattainable list of tasks.<\/p>\n
If we do treat ourselves to a getaway, we still don\u2019t let ourselves rest. Instead we insist on filling our days with excursions and experiences. It would be a waste of time to just give ourselves time to unwind. We have to be busy and doing something, creating photographic memories for our social media feeds, or we\u2019re not getting the most out of our break.<\/p>\n
Going back to the person\u2019s original question, we haven\u2019t even answered it. They didn\u2019t ask if our holidays were long enough. They asked us how they were.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This is where my next concern regarding mine (and probably your) communication emerges. In truth, I\u2019m actually happy that my holiday is finished. I\u2019m delighted. I have children. Trust me, my holidays were long enough.<\/p>\n
In fact they may have gone a few days too long. So while I\u2019m actually happy my holidays are finished I communicate the opposite because I\u2019m not in touch with how I actually feel.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t begin to explain how happy I am to be out of my house. My holidays have been spent refereeing fights, working as a detective investigating who in fact started it, providing snacks, working as some sort of hostage negotiator to get them off their gaming consoles and acting as some sort of personal entertainer. Before being forced to come back to work, I had been considering committing some sort of crime to get me arrested and out of the house for a few nights.<\/p>\n
Since being back at work I\u2019ve picked up other times where I communicate things without actually considering whether they accurately represent how I feel.<\/p>\n
I see this most commonly when answering someone who asks, \u201cHow are you?\u201d If you\u2019re like me, you either answer with \u201cgood\u201d, \u201cpretty good\u201d, or \u201cnot bad\u201d.<\/p>\n
Studies that I\u2019ve made up show that 98 per cent of the time when people are asked how they are they don\u2019t even think about how they\u2019re actually feeling before responding. We don\u2019t think about it, do we? We reflexively answer with whatever the phrase is that we use when someone asks us.<\/p>\n
But here\u2019s the thing. The person who asked you doesn\u2019t actually want to know how you\u2019re going anyway; they don\u2019t care. They only asked you because it\u2019s an expected social convention.<\/p>\n
Start testing it out. Expand your emotional vocab and start being very descriptive when someone asks you. Tell them that you feel \u201cunfulfilled and like your life has been a waste\u201d. Tell them that \u201cyou worry you\u2019re going to die alone in crippling debt from spending all your money on collectible Star Wars action figures.\u201d Or how about telling them that \u201cyou feel rage bubbling up in your soul and you\u2019re imagining how big a chest freezer you\u2019d need to buy to fit their body in.\u201d No matter what you say, they will respond with, \u201csounds good\u201d because they\u2019re not listening and they don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n
Please don\u2019t email me at robbietansel@gmail.com I won\u2019t read it in a timely fashion as I don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m finding that I increasingly talk in clich\u00e9s and with minimal thought and effort to communicating what I actually think and feel. It may be related to the fact I increasingly communicate using technology rather than face to face. It\u2019s just as likely to do with the fact that I have children and I\u2019m tired […]<\/p>\n