Consultants

You may not have noticed—though I bet you have—that consultants are everywhere. It is impossible to count [or even know] how many have been brought in, used, and discarded for others over the many long and grinding years of our local “projet-bete-noir”… Point Grey. This has led me to examine the development of the professional ‘consultant’… and how this blight of consultancies all came about.

I was once a consultant … a consultant physician … in a long and, as I like to think or self-delude, useful and productive chapter of my life. But back in the mid-20th century, specialty consultant physicians were among the only ‘consultants’ on the block. Indeed, the same might be said about doctors who … also in the mid-20th century… were almost exclusively medically trained graduates from medical school [MBBS] though, at that time, most had not completed a formal postgraduate ‘doctoral’ thesis [MD], nor a research-oriented PhD.

Other than for the few academics who had pursued a Doctorate in Philosophy [PhD] and thus had rightfully adopted the abbreviated title prefix ‘Dr’, a PhD remained a higher academic degree that few avidly pursued. Dentists, chiropractors, veterinarians, pharmacists, physiotherapists, massage therapists, lawyers, business administrators, educators, engineers, and other professionals had not yet joined the fray.

Now, it seems, anyone and everyone can be [and is] addressed as ‘Dr’. This article is not about ‘spitting chips’… it merely states it as it now is.

In the medical sphere, surgeons had played what would turn out to be ‘a smart game’. Originally looked down on by medically-trained physicians as glorified barbers [indeed, surgery originally sprang from the barber’s shop], surgeons were denied the option to call themselves ‘Dr’. They had to settle for the then ‘lesser’ title of ‘Mr’. However, as their place in healthcare was confirmed by the twin advances of sterile procedure and anaesthesia, surgeons chose to retain ‘Mr’. They wore it as a badge of differentiation from their physician counterparts. Nowadays, surgeons seem more than a little content to be called ‘Mr’ as they see physicians submerged by an avalanche of Drs, medical or not, and the public perception now seems to hold ‘Mr’ as superior to ‘Dr’. One might reasonably say, “… touché … how the worm turns!”

Returning to the term ‘consultant’ that was appended as a prefix by specialty physicians as they sought to differentiate themselves from their general practice counterparts. Non-surgical, organ-specific specialist doctors became ‘consultant physicians’… a consultant physician cardiologist vs. a cardiac surgeon, a consultant physician neurologist vs. a neurosurgeon, a consultant physician nephrologist [me] vs. urological surgeon, etc.

But, quickly, the seeming exclusivity of the physician-adopted term ‘consultant’ was gazumped by an avalanche of professionals outside of medicine. Now, anyone [and everyone] is a consultant, and consultancies in anything from business or construction projects to garden and wedding planners now bring in huge, unregulated pay packets. Consultants are everywhere, like weeds in an untended garden. So …

◦ who are they
◦ why are they needed
◦ what do they do/deliver
◦ who sets their price
◦ who pays for them
◦ where is the evidence they deliver value for money

Asking this prompts me to add yet another option to the long-running series: “… how many [x, y, or z’s] are needed to change a light bulb?

Let’s try entering ‘consultants’ and ask, “… how many consultants are needed to change a lightbulb?”

One possible answer might go as follows …

“Thank you for submitting your email question to our online AI expert assistant. It is a very pertinent question that many ask us on a daily basis.

One of our sources quotes its ‘current industry gold standard recommendation’. It suggests that 12 consultants are required to change a light bulb [here-on referred to as CaLB].

The source continues:

“… based on industry experience and from information gleaned from peer groups with whom we have worked in the last year, the accepted base CaLB practice’ to effect an efficient change is to … contract an initial steering committee [SC} of 5 to perform a thorough current state of play [SoP] analysis then … proceed to a formulation phase [FoP] at the target site before … pulling the threads together and … develop a pragmatic road-map [PR-M].

Since a strong relationship with the CaLB client is paramount, before implementation of the PR-M, a project manager [PM] must be sought and appointed to engage and provide oversight. The PM will appoint a further 2 FTE analysts whose key role will be to examine and analyse the current state of the target [and presumed defective] bulb.

Concurrently, and from the client’s perspective, three additional FTEs will be needed to support, coordinate, and ‘scope’ the planning phase, provide any HR, finance, procurement, electronics, OHS, and circuit testing personnel essential at the target state, and report back via the PR-M to the SC, which will then determine CaLB is still a feasible option, or whether a new project should be developed using different personnel.

In all, ten consultant FTEs will be required to cover the project.

A CaLB draft agreement will be provided after a site meeting scheduled for three Fridays hence.

Refreshments will need to be arranged at the expense of the CaLB client.

Signed: xxxxxxxx
Deputy Interim CEO – in the absence of the CEO [on annual leave] and ‘their’ Interim replacement [on sick leave].

While clearly tongue-in-cheek … and perhaps a mite unkind to the many good industry [and other] consultants I know, I do think that the term ‘consultant’ has been uncontrollably overused—just like the term ‘doctor’ has, in my view, been overdone.

So, too, are many of the four and five-figure pay-packet consultancies now on offer from organisations like state governments, regional councils, and ‘authorities’ [a rabid word that tends to describe any group that answers to no one]. No wonder both state and country are over budget and in the red. It is long-past time this practice is examined, root and branch. As there have been many calls for Royal Commissions into all manner of things and I shudder to add another to the list, state and regional consultancies would not be the lowest priority on my list!

For our own local “projet-bete-noir”… Point Grey … fewer consultancies might be a good place to start. It needs practical, local, and majority input from ungagged local representatives who can freely discuss and inbuild the values of the local Lorne community into a space that, when all is said and done, is a local asset and treasure. Leaving its sensitive renovation, refurbishment, or [re]development in the hands of the local Lorne community offers the only viable, practical solution to the impasse.

Succinctly, consultants begone!

John Agar

Feature Writer

 

A word from the chairman

Hello

A song by one of my favourite bands, London Grammar, is titled “Truth Is a Beautiful Thing”. While I love the song, the reason for raising it here is that “Truth” has become negotiable. Whether it is politicians, journalists or everyday people, the truth can be “bent” to suit a particular narrative or purpose.

We have seen this in our own community recently with the “eviction” of the tenants from the Co-op building at Point Grey and the subsequent kerfuffle at the Lorne Historical Society (LHS). As I understand, the LHS, along with the Aquatic Club entered into short- term arrangements with GORCAPA which have now expired and the tenants have been asked to vacate, to enable the commencement of “early works”. It all sounds quite straightforward to me, a commercial arrangement comes to an end, and perhaps slightly exciting that something may actually be happening at Point Grey after 17 years!

The problem is that GORCAPA’s communications regarding the issue were somewhat clumsy (which they have admitted and apologised for) and did not provide any information regarding future plans for the site. This opened the opportunity for mischievous social media commentary, including that the building is to be demolished, and that there are people in town who have information about what’s happening but are prohibited from sharing, or have chosen not to share, that information with the wider community.

As a member of the Point Grey Community Reference Group (CRG) and the Aquatic Club Redevelopment Working Group (LAACWG), I can assure you that neither group had any forewarning that notice to vacate was to be issued to the tenants, and we have been provided with no information regarding the “early works” or longer term plans for the site, despite repeated requests. This is disappointing given the CRG’s terms of reference include as objectives “fostering meaningful engagement”, “informing the Authority of community values” and “assisting with the sharing of information and resolving community concerns”. While this may not suit some people’s narrative, it is the truth!

The CRG was until recently bound by a confidentiality clause in the CRG terms of reference that has now been removed. In any event, the only significant matter that has been discussed at the CRG and LAACWG is an early and incomplete draft of a traffic management plan. The details of that plan were fully reported in this column on February 28 this year.
“The truth shall set you free” John 8.32
*****
The Great Ocean Road Running Festival returns to Lorne and Apollo Bay on Saturday and Sunday May 17/18. The Festival includes 8 events ranging from the 1.5km Kids Gallop to the 60km ultramarathon and is expected to attract 10,000 competitors and their support crew. I know some of our locals will be participating in the half-marathon, including the highly energetic Nicky and Cody from the Aquatic Club and some Mermaids who will be swapping their flippers for running shoes (Go Girls!). There will be road closures, including the Great Ocean Road from Lorne to Apollo Bay from 7am to 2.30pm on Sunday 18th, so plan your travels and social events accordingly.

Cheers

John

Lorne Ward Events Calendar

May

5-18 – Exhibition of Works Needlecraft, Embroidery & Tapestry, Bhanu Mistry ‘Journal’. 10am-4pm at Lorne Community Connect.

9 – Mix at Six Artist talk, in conjunction with Hoop Gallery and artist Meaghan Shelton 6pm at Lorne Community Connect.

10 – Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball V Irrewarra-Beeac, at Stribling Reserve, juniors match from 8:445am, seniors at 2pm

17 – Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball V Alvie, at Stribling Reserve, juniors match from 8:445am, seniors at 2pm

17-18 – Great Ocean Road Running Festival, Running, music, wellness, adventure.

June

7 – Lorne Market, 9am-3pm www.lornemarkets.com/

8 – Lorne Aquatic & Angling Club – Major Fishing Competition No 4, Weigh cut off 12.30pm. Free roast lunch for competitors, $10 non-fishing members.

July

6 – LAAC Winter Comp No 2. lines down after 6am, weigh in at the Lorne Aquatic and Angling Club at 12:30 followed by BBQ lunch.