Flailing about

Have you ever watched the desperate struggle of an upended Christmas beetle as it tries to gain traction against something—anything—in its fight for survival?  Its ‘flailing about’ is a fitting parody of me getting out of bed, onto and off a sun lounge, or getting into and out of a car seat that’s the wrong height… I sense many of my contemporary boomers nodding in sympathy.

It is disheartening to watch how the vigour and invincibility of youth shift from the prime of life and, in the blink of an eye, become the where-did-it-all-go reminiscences of the elderly.

I fear that if the MasterChef judging panel were to be critiquing my nimbleness, I would score three one-out-of-tens and wouldn’t make the cook-off.

I am reminded of a scene witnessed during my now annual week-long pilgrimage to Palm Cove in Far North Queensland, where one thing struck me above all others … the preponderance of elderly, mobility-challenged retirees attempting to navigate an increasingly hostile environment designed for the young and mobile, but which still depends on the patronage of the gradually ageing.

Picture this: a stunningly inviting pool surrounded by designer sun lounges—and very nice they look, too—that were utterly impossible to get onto or off.  Low and slinky, they skim the ground by a mere foot.

I recall watching an elderly lady, book, towel, and bifocals in hand, a sensible sunhat providing welcome shade, as she walked a circuit of the pool.  She paused at every sun-lounge to eye it off with a longing look … hoping that this one might be different from the last.  It wasn’t.  Then, after an almost imperceptible ‘practice’ flex of the knees—like Jakara Anthony at the moguls starting gate—a sag of disillusionment curling the corner of her mouth, she moved on to the next, and the next, down the faultless line of white, impossible-to-board-with-dignity lounges to the last of the line.

Finding none gracefully accessible, and the body language of failure writ large in the droop of her shoulders, I watched her resign to her age and make her inevitable decision, “… no, I cannot get down onto those lounges in a fit”, succumbing to the reality that, even should she manage to lower herself down, she would never be able to rise again.

Defeated, she left the pool area to return to a nearly as challenging chair on her balcony.

I know exactly how she felt … and you well may ask me how.

My answer? … it’s the timeless lament of the hip-and-knee challenged.  Indeed, the previous day I had done exactly the same, and, like her, had repeated the very same ritual that day after day … hoping that somehow it might be different.

It never was.

It seems that the option of a higher-heighted lounge at these ‘rest and relaxation’ resorts never occurs to management.  Just a few chairs and tables of sensible height would suffice, but no … everything is always so low to the ground and hard to reach.

It made me think that these often-retiree-dependent resorts are getting it wrong.  They are succumbing to a 20-something’s designer/wedding planner ideal of ‘beauty and conformity’ while ignoring the comfort and practicality required by their not-inconsequential ageing market.  They are failing to cater for—indeed, even consider—the very people who, to borrow from the current power debate, pay their “base-load” bills.

“This has to change,” I thought to myself, while gloomily recognising that it probably never will.

Another example that comes to mind—a practical one that truly matters and will fundamentally influence my choice of a new car—is access!

To set the scene, my first car was a 1956 Fiat 500—‘Ferdie’.  It had suicide doors that opened forward and was a mite underpowered by today’s standards … it could only climb John Street in reverse, reverse gear being the only one with a low enough ratio to give me traction.

As my beloved Subie is now aging and is slowly being weighed down by dog hair and grunge, I’ve been wondering about buying one more new car to see me through to my dotage.  With my heart ruling my head, I found myself briefly flirting with a return to my roots … a Fiat 500 Abarth, a new ‘Ferdie’ … after all, Sandy at ‘Taste’ has one, and she loves hers.

Blithely and full of hope, I visited the Fiat showroom in Geelong where, with some difficulty and more than a little trepidation, I climbed in—or should I say I lowered myself down into the driver’s seat.  There I stayed, for quite some time, until I could catch the attention of a young, suited salesman and awkwardly explain that I couldn’t get out again.

I remember how he looked at me in disbelief.

I also suspect he might have later been the subject of some workplace ribbing after his colleagues watched in amusement as he struggled to free a plump elderly gentleman to a soundtrack of grunts, groans, and heavy breathing.

Nevertheless, I remain ever-grateful to that young salesman—for without his help, I may still be there doing my best impression of Tony Perkins’ skeletal mother in her rocking chair in Hitchcock’s Psycho!

Furthermore, I now realise that, more than horsepower, interior décor, slinky external lines, or a sense of nostalgia, getting into and out of a car with ease is likely the key criterion for an elderly purchaser.

Too low? … no!  Too high? … also no!  Just right, and like Goldilocks’ porridge, the deal is done.  So, when [or if] the time is right … Subaru, I’ll be back again!

Modern furniture, with seating cushions too low to the ground and backs that offer no support for the head or neck, is also on my ‘caution’ list.  Too often, visual aesthetics now take precedence over functional design, and users’ differing physical capabilities are ignored.

So … as Lorne’s accommodation options shift toward Airbnb and Stayz rentals, absent landlords should take note.  You should consider these factors when furnishing your rentals, because if the Gen X, Y, and Z markets falter and the Boomers are the only remaining source, this may matter.  Just saying ….

John Agar
Feature Writer

A word from the chairman

Hello

As we slide into autumn and the world once again slides into conflict and uncertainty, we are reminded how blessed we are to live in a community where “conflict” is mostly limited to our support of opposing football teams, and getting together and having fun is a higher priority.

With the summer sports seasons coming to conclusion, there were some significant contests last weekend.  Congratulations to the Lorne Bowls Club Division 2 team who defeated Camperdown Magpies 2 in Saturday’s grand final.  It was an emphatic win, Lorne 106 points to Camperdown 80.  The game was close until the last 45 minutes, with all Lorne rinks outscoring their opponents 28 points to 2 points.  The team entered the grand final with another decisive victory in the semi-final, defeating Cobden 1 by twenty points.  Lorne will now be promoted into Division 1 which is a great result and reward for a very consistent season.

The midweek Division 2 team also made it into the final series, but they did not win and progress into the higher division.  However, their success and that of the weekend Division 3 side, who consolidated their position after promotion last year, is proof that the Club is in a very healthy state and we wish them well for the next season.

In March the Lorne Bowls Club is running Twilight Bowls on the following Wednesdays:  March 11, 18 and 25.  The games will start at 5.30 pm, all you need to do is to sign-up by 5pm on the night.  Teams will be selected on the night, with a range of experience in each team.  We will play one game of ten ends with prizes for the winning team.  There is no cost to play and everybody is welcome.  Sign-up at the Club or by email at [email protected]

Congratulations also go to our cricketers who have progressed through their elimination final in comfortable style with a six-wicket win.  They now take on Apollo Bay in the preliminary final at Birregurra from noon Saturday.  It will be a big challenge to topple the Bay but I am sure the boys are up for it.  Go Lorne!

A big thank you to the dedicated volunteers who participated in the annual Clean Up Australia Day last Sunday.  This year 25 participants (aged 62-90 years!) gave up three hours of their Sunday morning to help to keep our town and surrounding areas litter-free, collecting 45 large bags of rubbish.  Each year this event makes a significant contribution to improving our environment and educating our younger generation and our visitors that it is not ok to leave rubbish on our beaches and open spaces.  Well done!

The upcoming long weekend brings back our Foreshore Market on Saturday from 9am.  The Market will offer a range of home-made produce, gifts and clothing to raise valuable funds for our Lorne School.  Please come along and support them.  On Sunday, the Aquatic Club will be holding its regular fishing competition with a 12.30pm weigh-in at Stribling Reserve and traditional roast lunch.  The weather is looking good, so there is no reason to stay home.

Cheers

Lorne Ward Events Calendar

March

7 Lorne Market, 9-3pm www.lornemarkets.com/

8 Fishing Comp No. 2, Weigh-in cut off 12.30pm. Free roast lunch for competitors, presentations will all be held at Stribling Reserve downstairs.

9-22 Artist in Residence (AIR) Joshua James, at Lorne Community Connect. Workshops focusing on explaining the process of design and symbols within his artwork. Saturday 14 +21 Mar, plus Sunday 15 + 22 Mar 10 am – 11 am

22 Deans Marsh Festival, Live music, local harvest, market stalls, dog jumping, kids events and much more. 10am – 3pm at Deans Marsh Reserve.

April

2-12 Photographic Exhibition Opening, at Lorne Community Connect + prize giving at 5.30pm

3 Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball v Apollo Bay, at Stribling Reserve. Juniors match from 8.45am, seniors at 2pm.

3-12 Photographic Exhibition, at Lorne Community Connect, 10am-5pm