Some who read this article may categorise me as a community whinger, a serial complainer, or a 78-year-old GOM [aka Grumpy Old Man] who has long past his use-by date … if so, so be it; just turn the page … but some little things can irk a civilised, contented community and get under the skin. Of these, Lorne has its fair share.

From time to time, the Lorne social media page can highlight the irksome annoyances, recurrent ‘angsts’, and disrespectful stuff that trouble those who live in our otherwise happy town. For many, social media is an anathema—an ‘evil’ to be avoided—for when an ill-considered series of posts magnifies community anger and prompts a string of spiteful retorts, it can quickly devolve into nastiness. This risks adding our social media page—at least occasionally—to my “disrespectful list” [see below], but as it has been far more tolerant lately, it doesn’t make the cut.

While compiling a list of the things that do irk, a few come readily to mind: mindless graffiti; fishing tackle detritus on the pier; the peak-period overfilling of rubbish bins; thoughtless car exhaust and motorbike noise [maybe fix the first and slow down to nullify the second]; the mindless and moronic ‘look-at-me, I’m-a-pillock’ acceleration of muscle cars away from the Deans Marsh Road roundabout [why, when the speed limit is 50?]; the frequent abuse of our hospitality owners and workers and, recently, even of a much-loved hospital nurse; and the endemic underwhelming interest in Lorne shown at the other end of our shire.

No more will be said about the latter, but as for the others—and as one should never list problems without thought to their possible solution[s]—herewith the following …

Graffiti is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as ‘writing or drawings scribbled, scratched, or sprayed illicitly on walls or other surfaces in public places’. While some true graffiti artists have successfully gained public approval and turned their work into an art form [e.g. Banksy], most graffiti is destructive, crass, illiterate trash, mostly comprising the ‘tags’ of try-hard misfits attempting to ‘big-note’ or be ‘cool’. There is one particular Lorne pillock out there [synonyms for ‘pillock’ include: nob, dolt, berk, dullard, knucklehead, simpleton, stupid person] who, in the name of Julian Assange, has scribbled his nobbish views on seats, walls, and infrastructure the length of Lorne. Regardless of what one thinks of Assange, the rights or wrongs of his case and his treatment, defacing public and/or private property will not draw supporters to his cause. Indeed, the very opposite is true.

But when the Men’s Shed volunteers awoke to find the three beautiful seats they had lovingly created in front of the hospital for our elderly had been wantonly defaced under the cover of darkness by the ‘Assange vandal’, the discovery was greeted with horror, sorrow, and dismay in near-equal measure. We hope you feel good about yourself, you coward, for no one else does. If Assange ever had any support in this town, you have lost it for him. Shame on you. If this berk is ever caught, spray-painting his personal property—his phone, computer, and dearest possessions—might help to teach a lesson. Though ‘an eye for an eye’ cannot always be justified, on this occasion, why not?

There are many minor acts of public carelessness, thoughtlessness, and disregard for the town and its residents that aggregate into another perennial problem. Chief among these are the inconsiderate leaving [or dumping] of waste. Enough has been said of the litter issues—especially in peak periods and exacerbated by our love-them-hate-them cockies—and I know the SCS and GORCAPA are trying. However, one issue yet to be addressed is abandoned fishing tackle.

A caring local, Gary White, walks the pier daily and picks up handfuls of discarded fishing lines, sinkers, rotting bait, and sharp, barbed hooks [see photo of his daily ‘catch’].

Those slovenly fisherfolk who leave this stuff around are not only wilfully littering but are threatening danger and harm to our kids, toddlers, and dogs.

As for the danger to dogs, a PetMD editorial warns, “… fishing bait [minnows, worms, or frogs] are delicacies for dogs. Even non-live bait contains attractant smells or shiny colours that can lure a dog. Barbed hooks can be fatal and are hard to remove without sedation, surgery, and pain relief.” [https://tinyurl.com/3dfmdwmx]

Some have suggested banning leashed dogs from the pier, while others have sought more signs and warnings. However, it might be better if [1] specially marked bins were installed for discarded fishing tackle [the LAAC would likely be up for disposing of any full bins] or [2] the ethic was instilled: ‘… don’t just leave it behind, take it home’. Motto: please teach your kids tidy fishing practices.

In response to feedback provided to GORCAPA in their recent survey about Lorne Pier, they have stated in the survey report that, “Our foreshore team will be installing additional fishing line recycling tins to encourage users to dispose of their fishing waste.”

This principle should extend to teaching a greater awareness of the environmental degradation created by discarded waste [empty beverage containers, food wrappers, and—I shudder to write it—human waste]. On the latter, the low scrub at the Eastern View Arch is particularly revolting. Pride in personal and environmental cleanliness should be a seminal classroom lesson for all children as they tread the path toward responsible adulthood.

As mindless nobs ignore the speed limits, gun their muscle cars or souped-up bikes, and accelerate up the DMR or along the GOR past the Swing Bridge, the ear-shattering roars that plunder our peace simply bleat ‘Look at me, I am a bloody idiot’.

More signs are not the answer; far less would be nice. Well-constructed, sharply up-sloping speed humps would be a better solution [and might bottom out a few muscle cars as well]. Speed humps between the GOR roundabout and Minapre Street, the GOR roundabout and the Swing Bridge, on the straights behind the North Lorne car park and from the hospital to the Pacific, and on the up-sweeping curves on either side of the George River Bridge—all might be places to start.

Noise pollution fines should be enforced. In 2022, the EPA introduced a fine of $908.70 for vehicular noise pollution, but it seems rarely applied. Their website [https://tinyurl.com/y73h98yb] abounds with grand environmental restrictions, but few have a toothsome financial bite or result in a pile of demerit points. As the maximum allowable noise level is 90 decibels [cars] and 94 decibels [motorbikes], a decibel meter linked to a numberplate-recording flash camera could prove a useful deterrent!

Our nurses and hospitality staff deserve our gratitude and respect, not insults, as were recently slavered by some. It beggars belief that any would attempt to intimidate these hard-working, much-valued staff. Shame on you.

Throughout the Middle Ages, crimes against the community were punished in public pillories with a barrage of overripe tomatoes and past-their-use-by-date eggs. While a similar punishment might teach a salutary lesson to these modern-day pillocks, pillories have [sadly] gone in the name of civility. Would that it were not so!

Pillocks [Google the etymology] come in all shapes and sizes and are still found in Lorne. Would that also be not so!

John Agar
Feature Writer

A word from the chairman

Hello
As we sail through the winter solstice and reach the mid-point of the year, we have been blessed with spectacular sunrises and some beautiful winter days, but as a wise woman used to say “As the days grow longer, the cold grows stronger”.

But she was from Ballarat, so that wouldn’t apply in temperate Lorne, or would it?

Anyway, we will make the most of the good weather days and use the occasional bad ones to catch up on some indoor jobs.
*****
Speaking of indoor jobs, one of our most important, the renovation (re-creation) of the Op Shop has started.

I am told the project is right on schedule, with expected completion in time for Christmas.

While the Op Shoppers are looking very comfortable in their temporary abode down by the riverside, and I understand there has been minimum disruption to their business, I know they will be keen to move back to their own shop once the work is completed.

For those who don’t know, the shop (now being refurbished) is owned by the Op Shop (the Lorne Community Hospital Ladies Auxiliary Inc.), thanks to the foresight and financial acumen of the many locals who have served as committee and volunteers at the shop over many years.

We thank them for their service to the community, not only in raising very significant funds for worthy local causes, but also in providing very reasonably-priced goods and clothing to the needy, the forgetful visitors and the bargain-hunters.

About 20 Op Shop volunteers visited the Lorne School this week to view the refurbished “Doll’s House” music venue, which they have generously supported with donations, and the recently completed science/food technology and classroom building.

The gesture was greatly appreciated.

There will be a formal public opening of these facilities at a later date.

*****
On a cautionary note, I recently became aware of the dangers of lithium-ion batteries.

A friend recently lost the entire contents of his shed when a garden-tool battery exploded.

Unfortunately, the family were renovating their house and had their entire house contents stored in the shed, including treasured memories recorded in photos and on video.

Nothing could be salvaged.

A news article this week reports that in excess of 10,000 fires a year in the waste and recycling industry are being caused by the incorrect disposal of batteries.

While I am not in a position to give advice on the subject, think about where you charge your batteries, what is around them, and recycle them safely rather than in general waste.

*****
Nominations for the Doug and Mary Stirling award close soon.

The award is for outstanding service to our community.

The criteria and nomination form can be found at https://tinyurl.com/2p8bxp29.

If you know of someone who you think is worthy of the award, nominate them now.

Don’t leave it to someone else, because they probably think you are doing it!

Cheers,

John

Lorne Ward Events Calendar

July

13th – Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball V Irrewarra-Beeac, at Stribling Reserve, juniors match from 9am, seniors at 2pm

27th – Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball V Apollo Bay, at Stribling Reserve, juniors match from 9am, seniors at 2pm

August

17th – Lorne Dolphins Football and Netball V Alive, at Stribling Reserve, juniors match from 9am, seniors at 2pm

17th – Surfcoast Wonderfalls Trail Run, Starting at Cumberland River/Lorne from Distances: 5km 13km 25km 42km 52km