Our Forever Death: 101 Stop-Go Signs

I simply don’t understand it. Having girded Spout Creek at Eastern View with ‘Go Slow’ warning signs, orange traffic bollards, and a 40 km/hr limit for the best part of 12 months—throughout which no actual work was done—VicRoads [I presume it is VicRoads] finally announced in October ’24 that work would begin, just as the busy summer season was due to ramp up. The ‘expected’ repair timeframe? … 8 months!

By the end of November, with traffic lights in place and beset by Stop/Go sign twirlers [though with few—if any—actual construction workers visible on site], progress was slower than a Galapagos Tortoise.

By December, as summer weekend queues mounted at either end, major summer events were pending [like the 25,000+ who burst Lorne’s seams over Pier to Pub weekend], with the summer bushfire season upon us and no hope of escape if fire threatened, the site remained in forlorn half-repair.

I have never seen such a lumberingly slow piece of simple work. No one ever seems to be doing anything. There always seems to be a lot of standing about but little actual construction [personal observation]. In stark comparison, the much-media-maligned Chinese would have dropped in a new bridge overnight and have it functioning within a week.

A similar pattern has been repeating all along the Great Ocean Road—at the Bells Beach turn-off, in Anglesea, in Aireys, at the Wye River Bridge, and many other similar construction sites. At all, progress seems glacial.

The cynic in me can’t help wondering if the state-wide clamour for road repair as a priority has finally registered and, realising an election is less than 2 years away, our government is belatedly responding to the public outcry.

You can hear the bureaucrats crowing from their plush Spring Street offices, “… look at all the projects we have up and running”, believing they have hoodwinked their constituents yet again.

Hoodwinked? … not a chance! Up and running? … hardly!

I can’t help but think it would be better to do each one quickly, properly, and to completion, then move to the next. Starting many half-baked repairs while completing none creates chaotic multi-site traffic snarls and frustrated motorists. It is crazy, and I simply don’t understand it.

Applying the overworked crisis phrase ‘existential threat’ to the township of Lorne is, for once, not hyperbole, particularly considering the paucity of entry/exit roads if the town came under threat. With only three challenging options: to the northeast or southwest by the coastal Great Ocean Road, or to the northwest along the narrow, winding and dangerous Deans Marsh Road through a dense forest likely alight as the reason for evacuation … a fire behind Lorne in summer is our living nightmare. Lorne’s 1,200 good burghers may be fried in their beds—along with the 20,000+ holidaymakers who swell the township in summer and choke its narrow streets to gridlock. It would take a modern-day mini-Dunkirk to effect rescue-by-sea.

Choosing this moment to knowingly block and dig up our exit roads and inhibit any chance of escape—other than into the sea—is sheer madness.

In my view, major road works should routinely begin in the week after Easter and be completed—at the latest—by Grand Final weekend.   Blind Freddy could see that. But no! … common sense is a zero-sum commodity in Spring Street.

Compounding the problem is the recent trend to catastrophist language from ‘the state’—now seemingly the expected norm. This is especially true of anything that might remotely be ‘climate-related’. Bureau of Meteorology and Victorian Emergency Service apps now issue warnings of threatening storms, dangerous conditions, life-threatening heat, and other predictions of mayhem directly to our smartphones. Mine seems to beep a warning into my pocket every few hours … it’s all very ‘1984’ and ‘Animal Farm’ stuff … but this can create a trap. We may become so accustomed to these doomsday warnings that, like Aesop’s ‘Boy Who Cried Wolf’, we may ignore a genuine emergency when it does come!

Lorne … like Halls Gap, Mount Macedon, Marysville, or Woods Point, to name a few … are ready victims of ‘entrapment geography’. They all have limited access—either for emergency relief in, or resident escape out. All are surrounded by flammable forests and/or edged by an inaccessible ocean. Firefighters can’t get in. We can’t get out. Sadly, I suspect many city-dwellers don’t quite get this, though we who live here very much do. While it is imperative that those who plan roadworks understand this, take extra care in the timing of major works, and make an extra effort to get stuff done on time and at the right moment, their recent track record seems to indicate that they don’t.

The Spout Creek Bridge is a compelling example of poor planning and bad timing. Heaven knows what similarly ill-considered projects may be unnerving the townsfolk of other townships elsewhere.

Lack of funding is the fallback phrase … and it’s no real surprise, given that Victoria is broke and now viewed as ‘the poor trash’ among Australian states. Consider just the recent debacles:

• The money lost to Melbourne’s cancelled East-West link.
• The wasteful extravagance of a railway from Nowhere to Woop-Woop.
• The hundreds of millions ‘donated’ to Glasgow to fund its uptake of Victoria’s Commonwealth Games fiasco.
• The hidden millions wasted on Andrew’s abortive and illegal Chinese Belt-and-Road deal.
• The North East Link, West Gate Tunnel, and Metro Rail Tunnel cost overruns.

It goes on and on. Meanwhile, the interest payments load extra and daily millions to the Victorian taxpayer’s bills. No wonder land taxes are now stratospheric!

A small 50m-span bridge repair at Spout Creek should not be the straw to shatter the State’s piggy bank—but it might have been … especially if our hills had burst into flame, our hordes of visitors had been trapped, and mass manslaughter had become an additional cross for our State to bear.

Six words seem inescapable advice to the authorities in charge of repairing Lorne’s access nightmares … ‘ please pull your collective fingers out.’

Three words of common sense could reasonably be added … plan, speed, and execution. It can’t be that hard!

 

John Agar

Feature Writer

 

A word from the chairman

Hello

Will it ever end? As our long summer continues, Lorne produced another stunning long weekend. With the water temperature hovering around 20 degrees and gentle seas, it was a perfect opportunity for families and visitors of all ages to enjoy the crystal clear waters that we love. Our hospitality venues were at capacity and live music at multiple venues provided entertainment to locals and visitors.

The heat was on in Colac with Lorne competing in grand finals of bowls and cricket. Our Division 4 bowlers brought home the shield with a convincing win and our Division 2 team came a competitive second. Congratulation to all the players and the Club on a great season.
Meanwhile at Eastern Oval, a titanic struggle was taking place in the cricket grand final. The calculators were out checking required run-rates, and spectators were on their feet for the last nail-biting over as it went down to the line. Sadly, the Dolphins fell just short, losing by one (yes one!) run on the last ball of the day. There were plenty of “what-ifs” and “what-could-have-beens” back at Stribling Reserve on Saturday night. Congratulations boys and supporters on a great season and getting to the GF for the second year in a row. Next year!!

In case you hadn’t noticed, football is back in the air and saturating the media. Our own Dolphins have had their first practice match and have another coming up on Friday night March 21 starting at 6pm. Entry is free, there will be a barbecue and the bar will be open. Come along and check out this year’s exciting talent.

The very popular Community Dinners are resuming from Wednesday April 2. For the first 4 weeks they will be on Wednesday nights and after that they will revert to the traditional Thursday nights. The dinners are open to all members of the Lorne community, guests and visitors and are a great opportunity to get to know people.
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As we head into autumn, Forest Fire Management (FFM) will again be conducting planned burning and slashing in the Otways when conditions are suitable. Lorne and surrounding areas are among the most vulnerable to bushfires in Victoria, and fuel management in public parks and forests is an essential part of the strategy to reduce the risk of bushfire to people, property and the environment. There are eight areas around Lorne designated for planned burns before the end of April. You can find more information about planned burns at www.ffm.vic.gov.au and more advice will be provided when burn dates have been determined.
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And just because St Patricks Day is here again, a little prayer for you:
“Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference”.

Cheers

John

Lorne Ward Events Calendar

March

1-30 – Lorne Sculpture Biennale, on the Lorne foreshore.  www.lornesculpture.com

17 – Monday Night Market, food, produce, plants, books & more at Lorne Bowls Club 5-8pm

29 – Lorne Country Club V Lorne Aquatic Club Golf Challenge, 10am for 11am start at LCC followed by BBQ. Everyone welcome.

30 – Deans Marsh Festival, Live music, local harvest, market stalls, dog jumping, kids events and much more. 10 am – 6pm at Deans Marsh Reserve.

April

17 – Photographic Exhibition Opening night, @ Lorne Community Connect Thursday 17 April 6 pm – 7.30 pm.             

18-28 – 2025 Photographic Exhibition Routine and Ritual. Info: lornecommunityconnect.com.au

19 – Lorne Market, 9-3pm www.lornemarkets.com/

20 – Lorne Aquatic & Angling Club – Major Fishing Competition No 3, Weigh cut off 12.30pm. Free roast lunch for competitors, $10 non-fishing members.

May

4 – LAAC Winter Comp No 1. lines down after 6am, weigh in at the Lorne Aquatic and Angling Club at 12:30 followed by BBQ lunch.